Torturing Dreams
by yukikoneko1990
Summary: REVISED! Sometimes nightmares seem too real.


**I don't own the characters of Harry Potter and Supernatural. Inspired by the song 'Gloomy Sunday'. ****I suggest you listen to the song before you read the story. ****I CLAIM NO RIGHTS TO ANYTHING.**

* * *

_"HARRY!" Sam jumped awake. He looked around as his rapid breathing slowed down. In a few moments he relaxed slightly and pulled his knees up. He rested his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands._

_It's been so long since _**_that_**_ happened. Nightmares were still plaguing his dreams. He got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom, trying to ignore the growing feeling of loneliness. He looked at his reflection and his guts turned. He couldn't even recognize himself. His cheeks were indrawn, he had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were hunched under a shitload of worries._

_He brushed his teeth and washed his face._

_After returning to his bedroom he took a seat on the bed._

_He didn't have the strength to do anything._

_Dean said he understood, but Sam knew he didn't._

_Castiel was alive and well._

_Harry?_

_Harry was gone; and it was all Sam's fault._

_Sam asked Harry to join them in the fight against Lucifer._

_Sam asked Harry to lend them his seemingly unending powers._

_Sam fell in love with Harry._

_Sam made Harry fall in love with him._

_It was because of Sam that Harry was no longer with them._

_It was because of Harry's love for him that the Wizard went and sacrificed himself for Sam._

_It was entirely his fault._

_Only his…_

_**Dearest the shadows**_**_  
_**

**_I live with are numberless._**

_Sam thought he could get over it with time, but it was getting increasingly difficult to get up each morning._

_Wherever he looked he would see Harry. Whenever he'd close his eyes he'd see those warm emeralds gazing down at him._

_Whenever he'd hear someone talk he would hear those dreadful words Harry said when they confronted Lucifer._

_He'd feel that same desperation he felt then, when Lucifer abandoned his body and possessed Harry instead._

_Whenever he'd try to think, all he would see was Harry's Patronus Prongs appearing from no where with Gabriel's Sword. He would see Harry, who was resisting Lucifer, grab the Sword. He would see his lover's blood spill as Harry plunged the blade into his heart._

_He would see the lights go out in Harry's eyes as the Raven drew his last breath._

_Then he would open his eyes and he'd realize he was crying._

_He knew he couldn't go on like this._

_He knew that he couldn't go on without Harry._

_He already lost too much in his life._

_Dean would never be able to understand him._

_He and Cas were fine. They were traveling together, hunting the living nightmares while Sam was locked inside his rented apartment, slowly going insane._

_He needed to find a way out._

_He needed to end this pain that never lessened; only grew._

_His eyes fell on his bedside table. His gun was resting there innocently._

_It would be over quickly._

_One bullet; just one bullet and he would put an end to this._

**_Angels have no thought_**

**_of ever returning you;_**

**_Would they be angry_**

**_if I thought of joining you?_**

_Ever so slowly he reached for the gun. He turned the barrel towards himself and closed his eyes._

_He wanted to see Harry again._

_He wanted to feel Harry's gentle touch on his skin. He wanted to feel Harry's warmth under his fingers. He wanted to feel Harry's magic circulate around him while they were on a hunt; guarding him, protecting him._

_He wanted for Harry to love him again; he wanted to be with him again._

_**My heart and I have decided**_

**_To end it all._**

_He knew Dean would be in pain, but he had Cas and Bobby to help him. He would have them; and Sam would finally have peace._

_**Let them not weep;**_

_**let them know**_

_**that I'm glad to go.**_

_Sam let go of a shivering breath as tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked at the gun and took a better grip of it. Ever so slowly he raised it up._

_He was about to put it in his mouth when all of a sudden a cold wind caressed him and ruffled his hair. A set of gentle arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders and a head rested in the crock of his neck._

_"That's not the way out, Sammy." Sam choked up and his hand faltered. "That's not the way you're supposed to go." He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and shook his head._

_"No. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of trying and fighting to find peace. I want to rest. I want to be with you again."_

_"You aren't supposed to die, Sam." Sam gasped and stood up. He couldn't turn around to look at him. He couldn't, because he knew this was all just his imagination and that if he tried to look at him, he would only realize he was never there._

_"This isn't living, Harry; this _**_isn't living!_**_" He snapped and leaned against the closest wall._

_He slid down and pulled his knees up. He leaned his elbows on his knees and while he covered his face with one hand, he allowed the other, with which he held the gun, to dangle between his legs._

_"This isn't living." He rasped out._

_"What do you suppose will your death mean?" Sam sighed, lowered his arm and looked at the ceiling._

_"Redemption." He rasped out. "Payment for - for causing your death."_

_"Do you think I want you to die?" Sam snorted and closed his eyes._

_"We'd be together again." He rasped out. "We'd be together again." Suddenly he felt a cold hand cup his cheek and his tears ran faster._

_This was how it was supposed to be._

_To repay his debt to Harry, to finally be able to be with him, he would have to die._

_**Death is no dream,**_

_**For in death I'm caressing you.**_

_**With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you.**_

_"What if I don't want you to die?" Sam felt like icy water started to fill his lungs and all of a sudden he started to choke. "What if I want you to live and _**_pay for what you did to me!?"_**_ His eyes snapped open and all of a sudden he was standing on that field again, watching as Harry was plunging the Angelic War Weapon in his heart, his eyes focused on Sam; hateful and angry._

_**"You will forever suffer for what you did to me!"**_

* * *

"HARRY!" Sam jumped awake. He looked around as his rapid breathing slowed down. In a few moments he relaxed slightly and pulled his knees up. He rested his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands.

It's been so long since **that** happened. Nightmares were still plaguing his dreams. He got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection and his guts turned. He couldn't even recognize himself. His cheeks were indrawn, he had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were hunched under a shitload of worries.

He brushed his teeth and washed his face.

After returning to his bedroom he took a seat on the bed.

"Sammy? Will you come back to bed?"

**I wake and I find you asleep** **  
**

**In the deep of my heart, dear.**

He turned slightly and looked at his drowsy lover. Harry's emerald eyes were still darkened from sleep. His hair was tussled and his pale cheeks indrawn, but he looked better than he looked a month ago.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up." Sam said and slowly settled on the bed, careful as not to jostle Harry too much.

"I woke up when you left for the bathroom." Harry spoke and rested his head on Sam's chest. Sam wrapped his arms around Harry's slight frame. "You had that nightmare again, didn't you?" Sam squeezed his eyes tightly shut and hugged Harry tightly.

"Yeah. I had that nightmare again."

**Darling I hope**

**That my dream never haunted you.**

Harry sighed and pushed himself up a little. Sam took a good look at Harry and his heart felt a bit lighter. His little lover was recovering slowly.

He had to thank Castiel again for reacting quickly.

Had the Angel not been there and kept his head, Harry would have died.

When Harry struck a deal with Lucifer so that he would leave Sam's body and possess Harry instead, Lucifer didn't count on the fact that for the better part of his life, Harry was a Horcrux and that he was almost _used_ to sharing his body with another entity while keeping his own consciousness awake.

No one counted on Harry planning it all that way.

He was actually ready to die; and die he did.

It was only Castiel's quick intervention that made it possible for Harry to be alive right now.

The Angel quickly healed Harry's body so that it was possible for him to survive until they reached a hospital and almost effortlessly pulled Harry's soul back from the clutches of a Reaper that came to collect him.

Harry spent a month in a hospital in a coma. Sam spent every waking moment by his side.

He practically didn't sleep, he barely ate anything and left only to use the bathroom.

Harry woke up a week ago and Sam almost had a heart attack.

He thought he lost his lover forever.

That very thought was killing him.

"Sammy, love." Harry whispered and looked in Sam's eyes. "It wasn't your fault - don't interrupt me." Harry said when Sam wanted to say something. "I chose to do things that way because I believed everything would turn out alright. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you, Sam, and I can't stand you torturing yourself like this. Stop blaming yourself. I'm alive and I'm getting better. Stop killing yourself, Sammy. I don't want to lose you." Harry said with big, teary eyes and Sam's heart skipped a beat. He hugged Harry close and buried his face in Harry's hair.

He knew those dreams were just his fears playing with his mind, but he couldn't help it.

He couldn't help doubting himself.

He was still afraid that he would wake up one day and find out his nightmares weren't just his tortured, guilt filled mind playing tricks on him.

He _knew _ they weren't true; it was just his fear getting the better of him.

**My heart is telling you**

**How much I wanted you.**

He felt Harry push away slightly and looked down at his smaller lover.

"I love you, Samuel Winchester. I'm here, I'm alive and I'm not leaving you. So stop killing yourself, alright?" Sam smiled weakly and nodded his head.

"I'll try." He said and Harry sighed, knowing this was the best he would get from Sam.

"Bobby and Dean will be awake any minute. Do you want to go down and get some breakfast?" Harry asked and Sam smiled.

"I'll make us some sandwiches and we can eat in bed. Sounds good?" Harry smiled and nodded his head.

"Sounds great." Sam nodded, got up and made his way towards the kitchen.

He knew that one day he would get over this. Maybe when Harry was back to full strength, he would feel better.

All that mattered was that Harry was alive and on his way to recovery.

He could deal with everything else with time.

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**THE END**

**REVIEW ANYONE?**


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